June 2008
1 post
police officers smell like porc tenderloin
have you ever noticed that the professional of Police Officer, once a respected a honorable one, has become a go-to backup plan for procrastinating redneck morons who A. couldn’t get a real job because of their low I.Q and high level of testosterone (combined with a vicious inability to get laid) or B. didn’t have anything else to do after they got out of the Marines (hard to...
May 2008
2 posts
once you go yellow, you never go b(l)ack
penises. probably one of the funniest concepts we can think about. they’re ugly beautiful(but mostly ugly)…often veiny and generally offensive when not kept where they belong. inherently, there are many myths that come along with the parallel (or perhaps perpendicular…) connection between race and penis size. black guys have huge cocks. easy myth. it feels good to say...
airport cancer. i think it's terminal
sitting in our respective airports, we have reached some infinitesimally small conclusions: 1. The Brownsville, TX airport, like the Nashville airport, is full of rednecks and Mexicans. Only the people in Nashville want to be stars and the people in Brownsville want to be US citizens. 2. Law and Order along with CSI are great TV shows but the psychology behind them should not be a major in college...
April 2008
1 post
weBLOGyourmom... cause theres just more to in a...
after a series of shits, big and small, (and figurative and literal) that the world decided to take on us, we needed to take a break and to somewhat regroup. Life has obviously been very pissed off at the both of us and was telling us to step back and shut the hell up. so we did. sorry, bitch we’ve been sitting on our respective couches 7000 miles away from one other, commiserating, and...
March 2008
12 posts
unconditional love
tuesday’s Dr. Phil was about seeking unconditional love. We hate Dr. Phil and the Oprah he rode in on. speaking of interacial sex and unconditional love (we think they’re hilariously connected), kate stole that line from her ex-boyfriend. but what’s he got to do with anything? let’s just revisit one of kate’s first blogs ever:...
why st. patrick's day has nothing to do with...
It’s the day after St. Patrick’s Day. Our heads hurt. But not enough to keep us from uncovering the great truths of St. Patrick’s Day. What does it mean anymore, really, to have a national identity? Before being pummelled by a bar full of drunk Irishmen, two Russian mobsters from the movie “boondock saints” were told to chill on their aggression cause...
walk of shame
the best part of every Sunday morning is going to church and worshipping the Lord. But really… it’s more like the walk of shame. Whether you are in college and you’re the “I never do this kind of thing” girl who can’t quite reach that spot of gizz on her back and can only find one shoe, the hungover dude that wakes up with BALLS written on his face or the guy...
inspriration's a three-legged bitch
kate’s myspace bulletin today read: “Subject: I’m converting to Judaism. Body: ...
gymtactics and sociology
many types of people have jumped on the gym/yoga/pole dancing/pilates express. You’ve got your jocks and prom queens, dorks and fat people, angry people… sad people, young people and geezers. We’d like to talk about some of the more pathetic personality types and sad soppy shit we see (in ourselves…?) when we hit the gym. be it your SoHo New York Crunch Fitness, with neon...
a tit for a tat
ugly people should avoid getting tattoos at all costs. Tattoos only work on hot people…or at least people who rate a 5.5 or higher on the do-ability scale. (5.499’s or lower should just go ahead and have themselves removed from the gene pool). Tattoos will not make an ugly person pretty or cool. (neither will sequined/bleached jeans, faux-hawks, or superfluous piercings). Clichéd tattoos such as...
pinching toddler's heads in closing subway doors
many of you may be aspiring parents. like us, many of you may also already be a parent and not know it. regardless of your level of sexual indiscretion, surely you would have been a more responsible mother/father than one that i saw on the subway today in paris. i’m minding my own business on the train, subtly aiming my crotch at this large breasted women across from me (“is he...
the departure: kate's headed home from paris
it’s been a fiesty four days filled with activity perpetuating the stereotype of american’s behavior in paris and i am sad to say that it came to an end so quickly. i was ever so fortunate, however, to have been left a goodbye present from kate. since she had an early flight back to dublin (apparently their economy is doing well… after all those potato famines, who knew?...
exploits from a saturday night in paris
kate is visiting cannon in paris this week and got to meet some of his friends last night. this one is her favorite. his name is chen, he is from malyasia (the capital of china?) but it’s much funnier when you spell his name with an “i”. chin at beer one: chin at beer 9: why do asians get red faced when they (get handjobs out of camera view) drink? we find that the...
dating in paris
Welcome to your post-modern condition. We’re hung over, my jaw hurts from being sucker punched in the face last night and kate can’t get the chaulky taste of prescription pills (not prescribed to her ahem) out of her throat. Speaking of chaulky, kate was walking down the Boulevard St. Germain last night while I was in class and was bohemethly hit upon by Choky, the parisian/arab man...
bklog: The Immoral House
for those of you not from nashville, or for those who can identify with being an expat, there is a place that borders hell called the Laurel House in the Gulch of Nashville. Heretofore it shall be referred to as Immoral House. in it’s inception it was meant to be a place for “young professionals” to garner their resources and live in an urban environment..did we mention...
welcome to we blog your mom... she's really good...
my name is kate. i’m well educated but spend most of my time hung over trying to piece the evening’s previous activities together. i spend way too much time on mySpace thinking of ways to entertain myself (and hopefully others) with the ironies that are my life. i write blogs because i am smarter than most people and it’s far more legal than punching them in the face. did i...